


Critical Thinking Skills

by Number_Twelve



Series: The Umbrella Academy Oneshots & others [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: BAMF Number Five | The Boy, Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves Friendship, Gen, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Good Parent Allison Hargreeves, Good Sibling Allison Hargreeves, Minor Allison Hargreeves/Luther Hargreeves, POV Number Five | The Boy, Sarcastic Ben Hargreeves, Sober Klaus Hargreeves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26050465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Number_Twelve/pseuds/Number_Twelve
Summary: It's the apocalypse.It's coming, and it will kill everyone, destroy everything.The fate rests upon the Hargreeves.Should we be worried about this? Probably.orKlaus and Allison like Discounts, Ben tags along and Five has Critical Thinking Skills.
Relationships: Ben Hargreeves & Klaus Hargreeves, Dolores & Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy), Number Five | The Boy & Allison Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Klaus Hargreeves
Series: The Umbrella Academy Oneshots & others [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1885216
Comments: 6
Kudos: 134





	Critical Thinking Skills

"We need to get you some new outfits. That uniform should have been left in the 90s where it belongs, young man."

"I am fifty eight, dingus."

"Your current look is soooo passé. Allison, don't you agree?"

"Whatever, Klaus."

Five's nerves were burning once more. He wasn't too sure how it was that Klaus was thinking of outfits at a time like this. No, not too sure. More like absolutely pissed at the fact. They were supposed to be stopping the apocalypse, not shopping at the shopping mall! But no matter what he had said, Klaus still had ignored his protests as he got into the car's front seat and told him and Allison to hop in.

He really wasn't in the mood for this.

"You two must be loosing your minds." he groaned.

"Yeah. Over that... _thing_ you are wearing," Klaus said. Five released a shaky breath, barely able to contain his annoyance and indignation at what was going on.

"Klaus. We have to stop the apocalypse." he groaned.

"Yeah, but look what my eyes see." Klaus suddenly grasped his shoulders, sharply turning him to face a store front. The word DISCOUNT on the glass.

"Discounts," Klaus said it with something akin to reverence, Five with dread. He knew what discounts meant. It meant that they would be stuck in there for a long, long time until they had swept through every section with the discounts (and Klaus finished trying on fifty different outfits, each more weirder and eye scorching than the last). It meant being stuck in there for hours on end. Five was not having it.

"Well, you know what my eyes saw?" He snapped, turning to walk down the way they were going. "The apocalypse. So we better- where's Klaus?"

In response, Allison gestured to the shop, where Klaus was already looking at the clothes. Five sighed.

"Do you think you could brainwash him or something?" he asked tiredly.

"I doubt I could stomach doing that, tiresome as he might be. Plus, they are discounts, Fivey." _NOT the nickname._ "Not like they can carry around guns and shoot us down, right?"

"There is no way you are dragging me in there," Five growled. 

"I won't have to." she shrugged. "Feel free to walk inside yourself. Plus, Klaus needs supervision." and with that she too was walking into the shop, leaving behind a very annoyed, very pissed off Five. Next to him (unseen, of course), Ben shook his head.

"Hope you have a wonderful time in there!" He shouted at Klaus in his most sarcastic tone.

"SHUT UP!" Klaus shouted back, earning himself a few worried looks. Five stuffed his hands into his pockets with an annoyed sigh. Well, he wasn't going to waste time in there.

Better waste it at a café. Then he would be able to get his thoughts in order and get a coffee in the meantime. Two birds with a single stone. He looked around and spotted a Starbucks in a corner of the Mall's courtyard. It wasn't too crowded, and that was good. He set off in that direction, making sure Allison saw him leave. Last thing he needed was for them to get lost looking for him, and vice versa. Ben behind him sighed, walking after him. Better to see where he was going to as to lead Klaus there. It couldn't possibly be considered stalking, right…?

Ah. Of course. A Starbucks. Coffee was one thing Five valued other than Dolores. Five took a seat at one of the small tables, Ben claiming the seat opposite him as the fifty-eight-year-old-in-a-thirteen-year-old's-body ordered for the darkest coffee the café was in possession of. Ben glanced around them to find a tall man staring at Five from behind a newspaper. He didn't miss the glimmer of a gun hidden within the folds of his coat as he shifted in his seat. Shit. Could it be one of Five's enemies? (The commission or something like that, if he coukd recall right.) He had to warn someone. Klaus. He stood up, hurrying back to the shop the other two were in. Seconds were ticking by, but she shop was incredibly huge and finding them was proving to be a rather complicated task. He finally found them standing in an aisle filled with the wirdest and most extravagant clothes.

"Klaus!" he said.

"What now?" Klaus grumbled, looking through the rack of clothes.

"It's Five! He-"

"Yeah, yeah, he's not coming. He made that pretty clear," Klaus said.

"That's not what I mean!"

"Then what?"

"I think someone's going to attack him. There was a dude staring at him and he was armed with a gun or something." Ben quickly explained. Klaus frowned.

"Are you sure? Maybe he was justa security guard under disguise or something-"

"He might need our help!"

"What's wrong?" Allison asked.

"Ben here's telling me that Five might get shot or something," Klaus said. 

"Wha-?"

"Let's just go now!" Ben snapped, walking back to the entrance. Klaus just shrugged, dropping what clothes he was holding and following after him. Allison quickly followed them (well, Klaus to her eyes).

"Shit. He's... gone." Ben said. Five's cup was empty and there was a newspaper left on the table. But Five himself was not there.

"He might have gone to the bathroom…?" Klaus suggested with a small, childish giggle.

"Probably. The man's not here either." he went over to the table. "Shit. I knew it." Allison frowned as Klaus walked over and picked up a piece of paper that had been left lying on the table.

" 'I've found the mongrel.' " he read outloud. Ben was already running to the toilets, running straight through the door. Klaus took off after him, with a very confused Allison at his heels. He shoved the door open, hurrying over to the gents just as the door opened and the click of a gun echoed in the other side. Allison and Klaus exchanged glances. Allison slowly walked forward-

The door suddenly opened, Five walking out. He froze when he saw the other two, halfway through extracting the bullets from inside a gun he was holding. Not only that, but he was covered in blood. 

"Five. What happened?" Allison asked him.

"Some idiot tried to murder me. But you know. I got to that before he did."

"Wha…?"

"And it really can't be called murder. More like self defence." Five said, tossing the gun behind him and pocketing the bullets. He gave them a scary smile, hands in his shorts' pockets. Scary because he was bloody (the question was, was it his or his would-be-murderer?) and the fact that there was no humor in it. "God, sometimes I wish I lacked critical thinking skills. You guys seem so happy."


End file.
